I wrestled with this topic because I didn’t know how to approach my thoughts behind writing it. It all started with a simple girl’s conversation with a friend of mine during one of our afternoon walks. She innocently shared with me her encounter with a ‘hairy man’, who happens to be a love interest I believe (I’m sure I have the story all wrong and my half-ass attempt at writing it is probably killing her right now)
So Friend X and I are walking and she tells me how she really likes this guy who happens to be a gentleman, is caring and rather good-looking (and I understand carries a hefty package…ladies, I’m sure you know what I’m referring to)….she got me at the package part…I was like go for it! Boink him I say!! Well my eager “package-focused” mind had to slow down and really listen to Friend X but all I wanted to know was…Did she or didn’t she? Seems she didn’t, yet, because here’s the dilemma. She likes him, finds him attractive and ooh I believe she said he’s a good kisser (this is where I plug-in my post titled “The Kiss”, you must read that one! don’t worry I may re-post it) Where was I? Oh yeah, so they are in a deep embrace and tongue wrestling and of course a good kiss leads to lots of touchy feely, but Friend X couldn’t continue and stay focused after she encountered…….
The hairy back! Well I’m exaggerating of course, but I can’t think of any other way to describe him. Friend X was getting into the mood and enjoying the moment as she slipped her hands beneath his shirt to caress his back and feel the warmth of his skin against her palms but sadly she encountered the Chia pet’s Dad I believe. The guy was so hairy I believe her fingers got tangled up back there (bear in mind I do tend to exaggerate the story as it was told to me) so untangling her newly manicured fingernails from the overgrown field of hair, Friend X is now turned off because not only was he hairy (as in do you own a ‘weed whacker’?) she said it felt course and rough to the touch. Ouch! that would be the part where I say, good-bye.
Not Friend X, she’s a trooper and continues to be kissy face but as her palms begin to itch and she hasn’t seen the hairy back but can only imagine what a sight it must be, she breaks the kiss and begins casual conversation to ease the tension (hah, thought I was going to say casual sex right?) Well there is more, but I am afraid if I share too much Friend X may not like me tomorrow….what the heck, she will most likely get a good laugh out of this.
Now as she returns from getting them something to drink, Mr. Hairy back man had taken off his baseball cap, as she heads back to where he is sitting, she gets hit smack in the face by the view of…..you guessed it, baldness! I’m not making fun of Mr. Hairy back man now-turned bald, but I can only imagine the shock because while wearing his cap he had visible hair coming out of the sides and back of his head, so where did the rest of the hair go? Friend X was like, “Evie he had salt and pepper hair looking so sexy with his cap on and when I saw the top of his head was bald looking like Dr. Phil and then he had something looking like bangs happening in the front of his head, I didn’t know what to do.” She really felt bad thinking this but I just told her to suggest to him to shave his entire head, that is of course if his head was shaped nicely. Of course she wouldn’t dare say that to him. Who would? Would I? Of course not! She wondered, as I did, why would a man have so much freaking hair on his back and not on his head?
So what should she do? At our part 2 of Mr. Hairy back man conversation, I advised her not to think of the back and the brillo pad hair, perhaps she should wear gloves next time she embraced and kissed him (then again it’s not winter) I wickedly did say go for the package and not think of the rest….I also recommended she have a few drinks to mellow her out in the process. Will she go for it? I’m as curious as you are and believe me, if she does, you’ll read all about it.
I hope Friend X forgives my version of the story..and no offense to those ladies with a hairy back man, perhaps you can offer a few suggestions to my friend to help her get through this.
Why won’t hairy men wax or shave their backs? If we can shave our legs, underarms, lips and other unmentionable parts they sure can shave their backs.
Life is good, so much to write about, so little time.