Makeup Mayhem

How many of you ladies go through an ugly stage? This is when we’re not at our best either we don’t do our hair our usual way, not wear makeup or perhaps it’s wearing comfy clothes like jeans and a sweatshirt or our “don’t let me run into someone I know clothes”. Well my ugly days are defined as putting my hair in a ponytail because I’m undecided whether to go for another haircut, hair color or just plain laziness topped off with sunglasses, because hiding behind dark sunglasses is like wearing a shield no one can penetrate. These past two weeks I’ve been in my ugly stage (that would be ponytail season) and I decided to step it up a notch by attempting to go back to wearing some makeup. This must be mid-life crisis number eight, or is it ten? Either way, I’m at the Walgreen’s (yes, for those of you who read my anti-Walgreens post, I did step back into that store from hell!), there I am staring at the walls of makeup….how many damn mascara brands do we need? and why should I pay twelve dollars for liquid eyeliner? Where is the dollar menu? Oh wrong place.

As I decide what I should buy to enhance my looks and perhaps deflect the attention from my ponytail to a semi-model looking face, I pick up a reasonably priced mascara, a cheaper liquid eyeliner, which I hope my hands are steady enough to apply and yes, I picked up a rather cute looking case with several eyeshadow colors. Why did I do this? Not sure since I haven’t even opened the damn things yet. When I get home I am wondering why the mascara packaging has so much writing in the back on how to apply the damn thing. Ladies, if you need instructions on how to apply mascara then you have no business buying it. I did decide to experiment with the liquid eyeliner and did open it but I discarded the directions, I mean how hard can it be to line your damn eyelids? Here I am trying to keep my hands steady but somehow I find myself too far from the mirror so I get closer but it looks blurry. Now I’m pissed because I only wear glasses for reading and it seems I may need them for every day wear. So I figured I would wear my glasses for the eyeliner process…ahhh, yes it was a rather stupid move since how the hell am I to put on liquid eyeliner on my freaking lids wearing glasses? Did I succeed? No I gave up and decided to experiment some other day since I really wasn’t in the mood to smear my lids and look like a raccoon on a sunny day.

The eyeshadow case was rather pretty so I decided to open the package and maybe slap some on. Can you say child proof? Why do these manufacturers put their products in complicated packaging baffles me. First I must tear off the darn plastic wrapping which is stronger than Saran wrap. Now I must tear the makeup kit out of a box which seems to be put together with crazy glue. Ok little case out of plastic wrap and box so now I try to find the opening, lose a nail in the process and still can’t get the case opened. As the pretty eyeshadow colors stare back at me as if laughing that I can’t open it I pick up my hairbrush and almost crack open the stupid case but then decided against it since I knew I needed the case intact. After five minutes of trying to pull and prod and peel I stick a hairpin through the seam of the darn thing and get it opened. Did I try on the pretty colors? Not at all, after trying to open the stupid case and since I lost a nail, took too long I lost interest and threw the case under the sink where it will stay until my next ugly ponytail day.

Why did I bother buying these things when they will sit under the sink for another week until I get the courage to put on the war paint on my face in an attempt to look semi-decent? Why ask why?

Life is good,

Eve

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