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Yes I meant to type t-a-l-e as in story, fable or narrative. I knew I was in for it the moment my sons decided they wanted lobster tails for dinner. In the many years I’ve been married I have never made or eaten lobster or lobster tails.

The adventure begins. A rare trip to the market with son number one and son number two turned into a comedy of errors. Did I mention they were 19 and 24 years old? Well it seems the seafood section of the market didn’t have any fresh lobster tails they only carry frozen ones. I left the two sons looking around the seafood area as I went from aisle to aisle getting my ingredients for the steak tacos I opted to eat. I hate anything resembling lobster and I wasn’t going to begin experimenting now.

There I was selecting my taco sauce when I spot son number two walking towards me with a white plastic bag pointed away from him as if it were a dirty diaper. Son number one was right behind laughing and taking a video as son number two points the squirming bag with LIVE lobsters towards me. Yes, I screamed like the girl that I am and almost knocked over the pickles and relish. Go ahead, laugh sons! I’ll be the one laughing as you try to figure out how to cook those lobsters!

As I season the steaks for my boring tacos, the two sons are trying to come up with a plan on how to drop the live lobsters into the boiling pot of water. It sounded like something out of a sitcom. Son number two is suggesting they clobber them with a mallet to minimize their pain. Is that even possible? I cringe at the cruelty of it all. As son number one searches through YouTube for a ‘lobster cooking video’ I begin to wonder what possessed them to get the live lobsters. Hell, what possessed me to PAY for them! So now it’s been one hour since bringing them home and now they’re trying to figure out when they should begin the sacrifice and wait, HOW they’re going to cut those rubber bands off their claws. I’m done…..I still remember when they were little cute boys playing with Power Rangers and Beast Wars toys and now they’re lobster killers. To make matters worse, son number one had the audacity to remind me how some bigger animal suffered way more than these two lobsters and I should reconsider those damn tacos. Whaaaat? I didn’t need reminding.

Not that I think it’s funny but did son number two really ask the guy behind the counter if he could just sell him the tail? I’m laughing at them but I’m trying not to think of those poor creatures who will soon meet their maker. As I asked son number two what’s he going to do when the creatures begin to screech or whatever it is they do as they’re dropped into the boiling water, he answers by saying he will be wearing his headsets and once he drops him in he will turn away……I am going to Run, Forrest Run!!!!

This is the longest I’ve taken to write a blog but lobster number one has met it’s maker!

Fifteen minutes later lobster number two joined his buddy.

Whew! I never screamed so much watching my two crazy sons trying to boil lobsters. It was entertaining but I hope it doesn’t happen again.

I’ll pass on posting the video of our crazy lobster adventures! Hell I’ll pass on being around if they get the nerves to do it again.

Life is good…..