Today I had the pleasure of meeting up with very good friends for lunch and the topic of divorce came up because one of the ladies is now going through this process. I always wondered what changes a man, or woman, into a stranger who when divorcing is no longer the loving person who once felt so much love for their mate. Curious to know because I’m nosy as hell or perhaps it’s not being nosy but just trying to understand why WE change when divorcing the person we thought we would love forever.
So my inquisitive “writer’s” mind wanted to know more about this topic which I’m so glad is no longer tabu as it was back in the days.
As the Fabulous Five of us enjoyed our lunch and talked about Fab’s #1 current divorce drama, I realized that it’s ok to ask questions and not feel sorry for the person who is going through this ordeal. No one knows what happens behind closed doors and therefore, judgement should not be made because the person who is going through it, is doing it for a reason and no matter how many questions are asked, or how many “I’m sorry” we say, they will need to go through the process until time and strength heals their wounds. Fab #1 will be fine because she is a strong woman and has a good support system. When I asked Fabs #2, 3 and 4 how they dealt with their divorces, they candidly shared what they went through and honestly, I learned a lot about strength, perseverance and waiting for the right time to call it quits.
Call me crazy but I say it like it is. I don’t have the ‘perfect’ marriage and don’t believe such a thing exists! When I think about a couple falling in love, buying a ring, planning a wedding, embracing the birth of their first child and having a happy life for a few years…..I fail to understand why ONE of the parties turns into a stranger when “Divorce” comes into play and they turn into a total stranger. Why? Why would a person forget the happy times, the struggles to keep the family together, the birth of children and then make it all into “let’s get even and make your life a living hell” because of a divorce? Hmmmm, ok perhaps, the circumstances of the divorce drives the person to change, or perhaps it’s greed when money is involved, or perhaps it’s just human nature. I don’t get and I doubt I will.
The one thing I do get is….if there are children involved, regardless of their ages, shouldn’t we act as adults and try to leave the marriage as ADULTS and not make the innocent suffer? Shouldn’t we remember what it was like to fall in love and have this person in our lives and let them go for the sake of the children without causing anyone pain? Shouldn’t we embrace what we learned when we lived with this person and admit it didn’t work, we screwed up, we weren’t meant to be so it’s time to move on?
I still don’t get it.
What I do get is that there are a lot of strong women (and men) who have divorced, dedicated their lives to their children, worked crazy hours to put food on the table and pay the rent, sacrificed their lives to make sure their children didn’t go without food, clothing or a happy childhood. This I get! This I respect! This I believe should be celebrated.
Plenty of people go through divorce and not ALL of them put on a brave face, smile and act like life is fine when their heart has been broken, and their spirit has been crushed. These are the people who silently go through their life, not grieving the loss of a marriage, but moving ahead for a better future.
I believe a divorced person should NOT feel they have failed at their marriage. They should EMBRACE what’s ahead because life goes on and when you think back at all you have done….you will realize, we all have to fall so we can pick ourselves back up and try again!
Life is good!