Dear birth mother,
I am struggling with so many emotions and this letter was originally going to be something of a venting and accusatory statement to you and then I realized that by hurting you the way I thought you had hurt me was not going to take away all the anger and frustrations that I have lived with throughout the years. My intentions were to find you and ask as many questions as I could in an attempt to continue with my life without thinking of you every time I go to sleep or whenever I see a mother and child in the park, movies, shopping or at the hair salon. No matter how many times I tried to stop thinking of your existence it didn’t work, I kept wondering and wondering and the more I wondered the more angry I became because I wanted to put a face to the woman who had abandoned me or to put it bluntly gave me away.
Why did you give me away? Why didn’t you try to raise me? Would I have been a terrible burden to you? Did you not think of the consequences when you slept with your partner? Did you regret giving me away? Was it easy for you to forget I existed? These are only a few of the questions which run through my head every single day. Then one day as I was sitting on a park bench on a warm sunny day, I realized I was wasting so much valuable time trying to find answers to questions which really shouldn’t matter so much because you did me a favor by giving me away. I remembered reading a story about a mother who beat her child and left her tied to a bed until the poor child died. That could have been me. Another story I read was of the small baby left in a dumpster by her parents because they didn’t want it. Then there was the story of the mother who let her abusive boyfriend beat and molest her child. Wow, I really needed a wake up call and these stories did it for me. Why? Because you must have loved me in order to give me up to two wonderful people who have shown me love, affection, have cared and sacrificed for me and above all they have shown me the meaning of honesty and family values.
While I wallowed in my self-pity, I forgot the two most important people who took me as their own, loved me as their own and told me I was adopted and never once said anything against you. They defended your actions and admired you for being strong enough to give up your child so that she may have a better life. So now I must apologize to you for all the mean things I thought I would say to you and for hating you even though I do not know you.
Forgive me birth mother for the pain I wanted to cause you for I am sure your actions gave me a better chance in life and your actions also gave me the pleasure of having loving parents. Thank you for not abusing me, putting me in foster homes, beating me, starving me or causing me pain by not showing me the love of a mother. I am sorry and I thank you for giving me life, giving me up for adoption and for not being selfish enough to struggle through life with me. I am the person I am today because of you and the parents who have raised me. There is no reason for me to hate you or wonder any longer because I need to focus on my life now and my life in the future instead of the past.
Life has been good to me and I had a wonderful childhood and for that I “thank you” for giving me up for adoption. There is no shame in being adopted when you end up with a family who shows you unconditional love.
Adopted and proud